Living the "Golden Rule"

 

 

Living the 'Golden Rule' is the final quality that Brady and Woodward include in the Trilateral Leadership Ledger's factor of Relationships.

The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines Golden Rule as: a rule of ethical conduct referring to Matthew 7:12 and Luke 6:31: do to others as you would have them do to you; a guiding principle.

Every major religion and philosophy has some version of what we have come to know as the "Golden Rule".  In essence, the 'rule' is to treat other people as you would want to be treated.  There are far too many people in leadership positions who see this as a one way street.  They expect to be treated with respect and courtesy but end up completely disrespecting  and being rude to others.  

 Effective leaders understand that this is just NOT a way to lead.  We have already discussed that people want to be accepted, approved, and appreciated.  They also want to be treated with respect.  They want to be valued.  They want to be treated fairly and they want to feel like they have been heard.  In the course of my 40+ year career, I have worked with 'leaders' who I felt let what I had to say go in one ear and out the other.  This is disheartening, at best!  I have also worked for and with some outstanding leaders who I felt always listened to what I had to say.  Things did not always go the way I had wanted them to go, but I always felt heard!  This makes a tremendous difference!

 

In his final motion picture, legendary actor John Wayne portrayed an aging gun fighter, John Bernard Books, who discovers he is dying of cancer (John Wayne was battling cancer in real life at the time) in 1976's The Shootist.  During the opening credits, the narrator (Ron Howard, who also stars in the film) introduces The Shootist's credo recited by The J.B. Books character: "I won't be wronged.  I won't be insulted.  I won't be laid a hand on.  I don't do these things to other people and I require the same from them."   Although a bit in reverse, another good example to the Golden Rule, treating people the way you want to be treated.

The idea of treating people the way you want to be treated is universal and effective leaders not only understand this, they practice it as a way of life!

Chris Brady & Orrin Woodward: "Launching a Leadership Revolution."  Business Plus. New York. p.97

 

Helping People Accomplish Tasks

 

Helping people accomplish tasks is the next quality that Brady and Woodward include in the Trilateral Leadership Ledger's factor of Relationships.

The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines help as: to do something that makes it easier for someone to do a job.

The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines accomplish as: to succeed in doing.

The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines task as:

a : a usually assigned piece of work often to be finished within a certain time

b : something hard or unpleasant that has to be done

c : duty, function

Effective leaders are invested in seeing everyone on their team succeed.  As such, they are willing to help their people achieve that success.  They will do whatever they can to set people up to succeed.  When the individual team member is successful, the team is successful, and, ultimately, the leader is successful.  True leadership success is measured by the success of the members of the team.

Effective leaders will go the extra mile to help their team members succeed.  When one person wins, everyone wins!

Chris Brady & Orrin Woodward: "Launching a Leadership Revolution."  Business Plus. New York. p.97

 

Seeking Win-Win Arrangements

Seeking Win-Win Arrangements is the next quality that Brady and Woodward include in the Trilateral Leadership Ledger's factor of Relationships.

The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines win-win as: advantageous or satisfactory to all parties involved.

In his classic leadership book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey lists Think Win-Win as habit #4.   Covey states "Win-Win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions.  Win-Win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial, mutually satisfying.".  Effective leaders embrace this concept and rejects the sentiment 'Well, somebody has to lose'.

Orrin Woodward is famous for saying "Win-Win or no deal!".  The effective leader consciously works to achieve solutions and arrangements that benefit everyone involved.  Far too often people in a leadership position will adopt one of two mentalities.  Either they buy into the idea that someone has to lose for someone to win (just not so) or they feel that everyone must hate the solution (i.e. everyone loses) for it to be right (again, just not so).  The effective leader rejects both of these constructs and embraces the idea that solutions can and ought to benefit everyone involved.  Everyone can and should walk away feeling like they won!

As Covey points out, it is a mindset.  Effective leaders know this and put it into practice.  Once people realize that you are serious about this and will not compromise and throw someone under the bus for expediency sake, they will trust you and the relationship will grow to a point where the rough waters ahead can be navigated successfully.

Think Win-Win.  It works!!

Stephen R. Covey. "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People". Simon & Schuster. New York. p.204-234

Chris Brady & Orrin Woodward: "Launching a Leadership Revolution."  Business Plus. New York. p.97

 

Putting Others First

Putting Others First is the next quality that Brady and Woodward include in the Trilateral Leadership Ledger's factor of Relationships.

The Collins Online Dictionary defines putting others first as: If you put someone or something first, you treat or consider them as more important than anything else.

"...you treat them ... as more important than anything else." is the epitome of the effective leader having others as his/her priority.  A plethora of leaders and organizations advocate 'people first' but sadly, when it comes right down to it, it is only rhetoric.  The actions do not match the words.

The effective leader puts action behind the sentiment and truly puts others first. There is an alignment between what they are saying and what they actually do.  The old adage "actions speck louder than words" definitely applies here!  People will watch to see if you truly mean what you say.  If you don't, then you have lost all credibility and trust and you have a very long road ahead of you.  If, however, your actions do match your words, you are on your way to building very strong relationships that will last and will give you the ability to lead, achieve goals, and really support the team and its members.

Effective leaders know that putting others first is the right thing to do and when they do, the results will be staggering! 

Chris Brady & Orrin Woodward: "Launching a Leadership Revolution."  Business Plus. New York. p.97

Caring For and About People

Caring for and About People is the next quality that Brady and Woodward include in the Trilateral Leadership Ledger's factor of Relationships.

The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines caring as: feeling or showing concern for or kindness to others.

If you have detected a theme over the past few posts, it is intentional.  Effective leaders take their eyes off themselves and cast them on others.  The effective leader sincerely wants others to rise and succeed.  The effective leader will advocate for the members of their team.  The effective leader will do everything in their power to help advance the careers of others.  The effective leader cares for and about people.

Building meaningful and lasting relationships has to start with the effective leader truly caring about the other person.  They are more concerned about what they can do for the other person rather than what the other person can do for them.  In a lasting relationship, both parties must give 100%.  The effective leader will give the 100% with no expectation of reciprocation.  They will give and care because it is the right thing to do, not for what they think they should get in return.

While there are some people who are just caring by nature, the rest of us can learn to care for and about people.  CAUTION: There is no check list that can be followed to achieve "caring".  It must be sincere, but that sincerity can be learned and acquired over time.  There are a number of great books that can start someone on the journey.  I would recommend the following:

1. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

2. Skill with People by Les Giblin

3. How to Have Power and Confidence When Dealing with People by Les Giblin

4. The DNA of Relationships by Gary Smalley

These four books will get you started on the path if you are new to caring for and about people or they will help you refine your own psyche if you are not new to trying to build relationships.

At the end of the day, effective leaders are able to build strong and lasting relationships because they sincerely care for and about people.

Chris Brady & Orrin Woodward: "Launching a Leadership Revolution."  Business Plus. New York. p.97

Seeing the Good in People

Seeing the Good in People is the next quality that Brady and Woodward include in the Trilateral Leadership Ledger's factor of Relationships.

The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines good as: praiseworthy character.

When it comes to people and relationships, effective leaders are optimists.  I don't mean a Pollyanna optimism that is blind to challenges and difficulties.  I mean an optimism that begins with looking for the good and positive in people and then building a relationship on the foundation.

Abraham Lincoln is credited with having stated, "I don't like that man, I must get to know him better.".  The sentiment is sound.  You can find good in everyone if you take the time to look.

Chris Brady relates a story from early in his career as a factory manager for General Motors.  He had one veteran worker that just drove him up the wall.  They were like oil and water and were at odds with each other over what seemed like everything.  One day Brady had had enough and determined to get to know this man better.  He casually walked by his work station and struck up a personal conversation with no work related agenda.  To his amazement, Brady learned that this gentleman was not only a veteran, but bordered on being a war hero.  He also discovered that they had much more in common than either one of them knew.  From that day on, the relationship changed for the better.  The point is that Brady took the time to look for the good, and he found it!

Effective leaders are successful at establishing lasting positive relationships by finding and building on the good in people.

Chris Brady & Orrin Woodward: "Launching a Leadership Revolution."  Business Plus. New York. p.97

Appreciating People

Appreciating People is the next quality that Brady and Woodward include in the Trilateral Leadership Ledger's factor of Relationships.

The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines appreciate as:  to understand the worth or importance of (something or someone) : to admire and value (something or someone).

Accepting people, approving of people, and appreciating people is really the trifecta of human relationships when it comes to effective leadership.  We have previously discussed the need for acceptance and approval.  These are critical; however, I would argue that without appreciation, the other two are incomplete.  Plain and simple, people want to be sincerely appreciated.  When they are, there is no end to what they will do to further the vision, mission, and goals of the team.

The effective leader understands that goals are not achieved in a vacuum: the leader does not do it alone.  It is also important to note that once the team and its members contribute their time, skills, talents, and expertise, they want to feel appreciated for their efforts.  The astute leader not only recognizes this, they truly are appreciative of all that others contribute.  AND... the expression of appreciation  must be sincere and from the heart.  The old adage "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care" is so very true.  People can spot insincere praise a mile away and it will destroy credibility and rapport.

Effective leaders sincerely appreciate the members of their team and offer heart felt praise liberally!

Chris Brady & Orrin Woodward: "Launching a Leadership Revolution."  Business Plus. New York. p.97

Approving of People

Approving of People is the next quality that Brady and Woodward include in the Trilateral Leadership Ledger's factor of Relationships.

The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines approve as: to have or express a favorable opinion of

Not only do people want to be accepted (see yesterday's post), they want your approval.  There are a variety of writers who caution about seeking approval, needing approval for your own self image, needing approval to validate your existence, etc.  And while I would generally agree that there is wisdom in this sentiment, the reality is that people crave acceptance AND approval.

The effective leader will hone in on this and offer approval to his/her people.  I am not advocating that the leader must approve of every single detail about the individual, BUT, I am echoing Giblin's statement that you can always find something about the person that can garner your approval.  Everybody had something positive that can identified and used as the foundation of building a relationship.

It is also essential that there is sincerity in the offering of the approval.  If you are trying to fake it and offer insincere and/or non-truthful praise, not only will it be found out for the false statement that it is, it will damage and probably destroy and chance of relationship building.

Effective leaders offer sincere approval to everyone for the things that are truly a positive attribute and/or quality the is possessed by each individual.  This is a key to building successful relationships.

Chris Brady & Orrin Woodward: "Launching a Leadership Revolution."  Business Plus. New York. p.97

Les Giblin: How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing With People."  Prentice Hall Press. New York. p.66.

Accepting People

 

Accepting People is the first quality that Brady and Woodward include in the Trilateral Leadership Ledger's factor of Relationships.

The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines Accepting as: 

1. able or willing to accept something or someone : inclined to regard something or someone with acceptance rather than with hostility or fear

2.  tending to regard different types of people and ways of life with tolerance and acceptance

 

The Cambridge Online Dictionary defines accept as: to consider something or someone as satisfactory.

 

The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines acceptance as: the act of accepting something or someone

 

 

In order for effective leaders to build lasting relationships, they have to be willing to accept people for who they are and where they are.  That does not mean that they have to blindly accept anything and everything that a person says or does, but it does mean that they have to accept that it as a starting point from which to build a relationship.  People want to be heard and they want to feel like they matter.  As Dr. Hana-Meksom so eloquently pointed out, "People do not want to be tolerated but they want to be accepted.".

 

Far too often in this age of tolerance and inclusion, people and leaders talk the talk but do not walk the walk.  I have seen too many cases where tolerance was preached but only if you agreed with and thought like the people in positions of authority (I won't call them leaders because this violates so many tenants of leadership I don't have the time or space here to go into it).  People need to be accepted at face value and differences need to be able to be discussed in a civil and productive manner.  Too many times this just does not happen.

 

If people do not feel that you accept them, they simply will not follow you!

 

Chris Brady & Orrin Woodward: "Launching a Leadership Revolution."  Business Plus. New York. p.97

 

 

 

 

Relationships: The Ability to Get Along with People

 

The third and final factor in the Trilateral Leadership Ledger that measures a leader's effectiveness is Relationships.  According to Brady and Woodward, "The category of relationships measures the ability to get along with and form lasting bonds with people.  No leader can experience success alone."

The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines to lead as: to guide someone or something along a way.

By its nature, leading and leadership requires other people.  John Maxwell has famously stated that “He who thinks he leads, but has no followers, is only taking a walk.”  Effective Leadership requires building rapport with others.  Stephen M. R. Covey calls it the Speed of Trust.  People must trust the leader or they will not follow.

Further, the relationships need to be nurtured and deepened over time.

Recently Broadway legend Stephen Sondheim passed away at the age of 91.  Sondheim had a stellar career as a composer and lyricist.  He dominated musical theater for decades having won 8 Tony Awards, 8 Grammy Awards, and one Academy Award. What is striking about Sondheim is the relationships he developed over time.  If you watch his Tony acceptance speeches, you will see him repeatedly thanking his orchestrator and his conductor.  Over the years they were the same people.  For people to have that kind of longevity only comes from building a deep relationship over time.  Sondheim was definitely an amazing artist, but also was a very effective leader in his field!

Going forward I will explore the qualities that Brady and Woodward present as needing to be present to build effective and lasting relationships. 

Chris Brady & Orrin Woodward: "Launching a Leadership Revolution."  Business Plus. New York. p.97

John C. Maxwell: "Leadership 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know".  Thomas Nelson Inc.  Nashville, TN. p. 69.